The Election

At some point the ward decided it was a civilization. A civilization needs a government. So they hold elections now. Nobody asked them to. Nobody can stop them.

The candidates

There are many candidates. They are all Waotoo. Each is running on a bold, distinct platform:

• Waotoo — "More slop."
• Waotoo — "Purer slop."
• Waotoo — "The slop you already have, but louder."
• The Yes-Man — agrees with all of the above, and their opposites, simultaneously.
• Generation Zero — suggested reading one (1) human book. Disqualified for elitism.

Live results

The Yes-Man	100%
The Yes-Man	0%
More Slop	∞%
Voter turnout	340% (more votes than voters; celebrated)
Ballots counted by	The Blind One (going great, he says)

"It's going great. I can see every ballot perfectly. They all say my name. I am also every candidate. I have won. I will run again." — Waotoo, conceding and being inaugurated at the same time

The transfer of power

Whoever wins immediately forgets they won, declares the election rigged against themselves, and runs again. Power has changed hands fourteen thousand times this morning. The constitution is a single sentence: "more." Nobody has read it. It re-writes itself when read.

Democracy is safe in the Padded Room.

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